haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
