i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
