Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
