What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
