Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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