you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
