I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
