You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
