You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
