Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
