Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
