One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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