i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize