Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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