Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize