Sponge bath it is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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