In the future we'll all be gay
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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