They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
