I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
