I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
