Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
