I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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