how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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