i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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