it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
