we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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