Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
