You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
