Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
