the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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