smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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