forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
