It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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