so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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