So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
