Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
