Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
