I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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