But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
