he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
