just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
