I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
