Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
