i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
