just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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