I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
