So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize