Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can vaginas get frostbite?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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