Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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