chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
