sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
