I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
