So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
