ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
