you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
