So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
