I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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