I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
