That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
