ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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