rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
