Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If that was your dad, he is hot
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He felt like a one man threesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
