So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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