That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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