he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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