i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
