He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize