can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize