I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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