i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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