They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
