So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
