We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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