Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize