maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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